Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Night of the Candle Girl
Don't get me started on women and mixed signals. I was taking a class at Hofstra University (it's on Long Island) and one Friday started talking to this very attractive, dark-haired girl who sat next to me. She seemed to have a bit of a cough that day, but after taking some cough syrup it cleared right up. After class, she invited me to hang out with her, and then after talking for an hour or so she asked if I had plans for the evening. I didn't, and she asked if I wanted to come to Brooklyn with her to run a quick errand and then "go have some fun." I took her up on that offer, and she said, "I need to pick up some stuff at my apartment." We went to her apartment, right off campus, where she proceeded to stuff a huge laundry bag with her clothes, which were all over the floor. When she finished, she went to her bureau, took two condoms out of the top drawer, and tossed them on her bed. Then she walks over to me and plants a nice kiss on the lips. "Let's go!" Off to Brooklyn, and it turns out we're going to her mom's house to do laundry. So for about 2 hours I'm sitting at a kitchen table with her, her mom and her mom's boyfriend having coffee & cake while the laundry's being done. When it's finally done, her mom asks her if we can drop off some prescriptions at grandma's house before leaving Brooklyn. So off we go to grandma's house. An hour there, as she chats with grandma and I chat with grandpa, a retired cop who wears boxer shorts, a sleeveless t-shirt, socks, and a gun in a holster. As we're leaving, she gives me another kiss on the lips and says, "I just gotta pick up something from my father's house -- it's nearby." I asked if her father was home. "No, he's probably out f--king his skank." Alrighty then. We go to the father's house and what she has to pick up is her little dog. The three of us finally head back out to Long Island -- it's after midnight now. "You're probably tired after driving around so much," she says, "you should stay at my place tonight." I respond, "yeah, you know, maybe I should." So we get back to her place and she tells me to get comfortable; then she goes into the bathroom. I followed the George Costanza "make yourself comfortable" rule and took off my shoes and sat on the bed (condoms still front & centre). She comes back in wearing a black satin nightie, lights up 3 candles, and turns off the lights. What do you expect to happen at this point? You bet your f-ing ass. So she gets on the bed with me and we start making out. Only -- just then -- after a minute or two of making out -- the cough comes back. No joke. No little tickle in the throat. A rolling, hacking, sounds like a thunderstorm in her lungs kind of cough. To make a long story short, I sat up with her for the next two hours while she coughed up phlegm. "Maybe I could go get you some more cough medicine from CVS," I offered, while thinking "hack it up or just flip over!!!" Nope, she assured me it would clear up any minute. Eventually we both fell asleep. Woke up the next morning and walked the dog for her. We hung out several times after that but I never got that close again. "You were really nice to stay up with me when I had that cough that night," she told me once, years later, "you're a really good friend." Yeah, if you only knew that I needed glue solvent to take my pants off the next day. Don't get me started.