Only in Ireland ...

Don't get me started on my friend Mike and his knack for causing drama. I was in Dublin with him and another friend, Jurgen, 2 years ago and while we were walking around the streets a gust of wind blew something in his eye. So all morning everywhere we went he was trying eyedrops, washcups, etc. but couldn't get it out. We got to the Guinness Brewery and started the tour, but half-way through he decided to quit the tour and see if they had a first aid station that could help with the eye. After Jurgen and I finished the tour, we waited for Mike over by the gift shop. Eventually an Irish guy in a Guinness shirt came over to us and asked, "Are you men with Mr. Beaudry?" O man. "Yes, is he alright?" The guy said, "would you follow me please to the first aid station; I'm afraid he needs to go to a hospital." Turns out they were unable to remove whatever had flown in Mike's eye and decided he needed to go to an eye, ear, nose & throat hospital in Dublin. So they led us all through a hallway and out into a courtyard where there was parked a white ambulance with a big GUINNESS logo and gold harp on it. This is too much, right? So we rode through the streets of Dublin in a friggin beer ambulance to this hospital, where fortunately we were not delayed for long. They got the speck out, didn't even charge him ("It's on the State", he was told) and went on our way. Only in Ireland would there be a Guinness ambulance! And only with Mike would I find myself inside it! Dont' get me started.

No "Mercy Rule" In the NFL

Don't get me started on all this crybaby criticism of the New England Patriots. I am so sick of hearing about how the Pats are "running up the score" in games. Hey, Little Johnny, this isn't grade school -- it's the NFL. There's no mercy rule. Fans pay a LOT of money to buy tickets and attend games. Some people travel hundreds of miles and stay in hotels to see their team play. What they're paying for is the right to see two teams play as well as they can for 60 minutes. The team that's losing should maybe consider stepping up its defence instead of complaining about Tom Brady playing in the fourth quarter. No disrespect to the backup quarterbacks, but very few fans -- including the opposing team's fans -- are there to see Matt Cassel or Matt Gutierrez throw the ball. Consider a few things. If one team has a commanding lead going into the final quarter, why does it make any more sense for them to shut down their offence and play to less than their ability than it does for the losing team to concede the loss or forfeit? It doesn't -- in neither case is it what the fans paid to see. Both sides owe the fans their best effort. Consider also that keeping the premium players on the field late in the game exposes them to greater risks of injury. Does anyone seriously think Bill Belichick wants Tom Brady or Randy Moss injured? Why keep them out there? Either because the coach thinks there's a legitimate chance of the other team mounting a comeback or because he recognises a duty to the fans not to mail it in for the rest of the game. Is it disrespectful to another team to act as though there's still a possibility for them to mount a comeback? Isn't it more disrespectful to act as though the game were a fait accompli? Most players and coaches seem to understand this, but there is a distinct minority of crybabies out there who would seem to prefer if the Patriots just kicked field goals and punted the entire second half. Is that good sportsmanship? It's certainly not good entertainment. It may not be fun to be on the losing side of a record-setting blowout, but there's enough parity in the NFL as it is. And let's remember the Patriots were pretty much invisible for the first 41 years of their history. Let go of your jealousy and just enjoy watching what is possibly the greatest football team ever. And ease off Bill Belichick; he's just a coach in a comfy sweatshirt trying to do his job. It amazes me that people have nothing better to talk about than what a football coach wears. But that's a topic for another post; don't get me started.

The Sum of All Douchebags

Last night Brian and I found ourselves back at Croxley Ales (there's a surprise) to watch some football. I don't know what it is about a lot of the people that watch football in bars on Sunday afternoons, but it definitely seems like many of them fall into the "douchebag" category. For instance, there was this small group of guys who were clearly Giants fans based on one of their NY Giants hoodies who was just a moron. I mean the guy was all over the place and extremely intoxicated. He kept running back and forth between the table section and the bar, and even though the bar was relatively empty, he felt the need to sit right next to me and keep bumping into me. He would order a Paulaner which comes in an enormous glass, drink 2/3 of it and have the bartender pour the rest out and then he would order another one. Why order a beer that comes in such a large glass if you're not going to finish it?!!? His douchebag partners in crime weren't much better. The sum of all douchebags is clearly ZERO! Don't get me started!

What day is Thankgiving this year?

Don't get me started on my secretary. Yesterday at my law firm the following conversation took place between my secretary and an associate friend of mine. (The names have been changed to protect identifies.) It's important to note that my secretary is in her forties and has lived in the U.S. her whole life.

* * * * * *

CHARLIE: The day after Thanksgiving is the only day I’m off work that my wife isn’t, she works for the courts and they’re not closed the day after Thanksgiving.

LAURIE: Well that won't affect you this year; it’s on Friday.

CHARLIE (confused): What’s on Friday?

LAURIE: Thanksgiving.

CHARLIE: Uh ... no, it’s Thursday. It’s always Thursday.

LAURIE: No, I’m pretty sure it falls on Friday this year.

CHARLIE: Noooo … it’s always Thursday, the fourth Thursday in November.

LAURIE: Let me look at the calendar. (Looks over calendar for a few seconds.) O wait, no it’s on Sunday.

At this point Charlie’s barely able to keep from cracking up. Another secretary interjects:

JEAN: No, Charlie’s right. It’s always on Thursday.

LAURIE: Well all I know is I’m going to somebody’s house to eat a lot of food, whatever day it is.

* * * * * *

Scary stuff, my friends, scary stuff. Don't get me started.

Having a bad day? Watch this...

Every time I'm having a bad day, I watch this clip on YouTube and it makes me laugh. Ya gotta feel a little bit bad for the old guy, but it will still make you smile...

The Lemon Threw Me Off

Don't get me started on bad waiters. I was at the Hard Rock Cafe with my friends Jay and Mike for lunch one day and we got stuck with possibly the dumbest waiter on Earth. He comes over to the table and he's this huge, muscle-bound, surfer-looking dude with a kerchief wrapped up on his head. As he's handing us our menus, he says, "Guys, how are ya? I'm Julian. Welcome to Hard Rock Cafe. Here are your menus. Are you ready to order, or do you need a few minutes?" Well, gee whiz, Einstein, if you just handed us the menus, we might need a few, right? "OK, I'll be back in a few to take your order and get you started on some DRINKS!!!!" It's 11:30am and this guy thinks we're out to pound beers or something. So he comes back to take our order and Jay orders a grilled chicken sandwich with no bacon, no mayo, no tomato. As he's writing it down, the waiter repeats, "no bacon ... no mayo ... no tomato ... none of the O's!!!" Uh, yeah. Now about twenty or twenty-five minutes goes by and there is no sign of our food. We look around the restaurant for old Jules and saw him bopping, Elaine Benes-styles, over by the kitchen, to whatever song was playing. A minute later he comes by our table and says, "guys, your food in be out in twenty seconds." He starts to walk away, stops dead in his tracks, turns around, and with all seriousness adds, "no, less than twenty seconds." The food came 4 or 5 minutes later. Now he comes back again to check on our drinks. Jay had been drinking Diet Coke, but had taken the lemon wedge out and had it on the table. When Mike finished his water he tossed the lemon into his empty glass. Julian grabs both glasses and comes back with two Diet Cokes. He puts them on the table, starts to walk away, and then, looking very baffled, says to Mike, "wait, you weren't drinking Diet Coke." He picks it up again, and as he walks away says out loud to himself, "the lemon threw me off!" Julian comes back later to check on us, sees my plate empty, and asks if he can take it. "Yeah, I'm all set," I respond. "You want the check," he concludes. "Uh, no, not yet, but I'm done with my food." With a very condescending tone, he replies, "when you say, 'all set,' what I hear is, 'I want the check." Alrighty then, pal. Get those ears checked. We finally got out of there and talked about this lunatic the whole way home. Weirdo. Don't get me started.

How lazy are we?

While I was on my way into work this morning, I was wondering what I could possibly post here today. I got all the way to the elevator of my building when it was handed to me on a silver platter. I show my building ID and then step into the elevator with another gentleman. I press 12, and the other guy presses.....wait for it.......................2!!?!?! I wanted to punch him in the throat, or tell him that I knew why he was 25lbs overweight. Are we that lazy as a nation that we can't walk the one flight of stairs to the second floor when other people are waiting to go to say...the 12th? Come on people! Don't get me started!